Trump Declares Country Music America's Official Language
All government documents must now include twang, heartbreak, and at least one reference to a truck.
NASHVILLE—In a move hailed by supporters as long overdue, the White House announced Tuesday that country music is now the official language of the United States, effective immediately, y’all.
Under the new policy, all federal communications must be delivered in a slow drawl and contain a minimum of one reference to a truck, a dirt road, or a woman who left. The Internal Revenue Service confirmed it is already at work translating the 1040 form into a mid-tempo ballad.
“For too long, this country spoke in the cold language of paperwork,” a spokesperson said. “Now, when the government takes your money, at least it’ll sound like it means it.”
At press time, the Department of State was struggling to staff its new fiddle division, though officials expressed confidence that “somebody’s cousin plays.”
