Soy Boy Nation: The UN Wants to Replace All Military Rations With Plant-Based Slop by 2030
A leaked plan to swap combat rations for lentil paste raises one urgent question: who is this for?
GENEVA—A document circulating this week alleges that a United Nations subcommittee has drafted a plan to replace all military field rations with plant-based alternatives by 2030, in a bold effort to fight climate change and, critics say, morale.
The proposed ration, tentatively named Nutri-Valor, is described as “a shelf-stable lentil paste” that provides complete nutrition, a full day of fiber, and what one internal note calls “a lingering sense that something has been taken from you.”
“An army marches on its stomach,” said one skeptical general, holding a foil packet at arm’s length. “And this stomach is filing a formal complaint.”
At press time, three separate armed forces had announced they would be sticking with the existing rations, which they clarified are “also bad, but ours.”