After Firing 17 Federal Watchdogs, President Replaces Oversight With Mirror

WASHINGTON—Eighteen months after firing 17 inspectors general across 17 agencies in a single Friday-night sweep, the President unveiled the oversight mechanism that had been implied all along: a full-length mirror.

The termination emails took effect immediately and offered the same explanation—“changing priorities”—even though federal law requires 30 days’ advance notice to Congress and a detailed, case-specific rationale. A federal judge later found that eight of the fired inspectors general were virtually certain to prevail on their claims that the removals violated the law, but declined to reinstate them.

So, in the part of government where the violation had a finding but not a remedy, the mirror was sworn in Thursday as head of the new Office of Reflective Compliance. It will be assisted by one legal pad and a presidential pen.

“It comes down to trust,” the President said, standing before the nation’s newest accountability mechanism. “The old watchdogs kept asking questions. This one listens, agrees, and has never leaked except around the edges.”

Under the new process, complaints must be submitted directly to the person named in the complaint, who will review them after completing a brief self-assessment. Aides described the arrangement as “independent of everyone else.”

The office completed its first review in seven minutes, finding no misconduct and commending the President for his extraordinary cooperation with himself. One criticism was removed from the final report after investigators determined that reading it aloud might constitute a breach of executive privilege.

At press time, the mirror had been placed on administrative leave for “making a face.”